Alrighty, so I've been less than stalwart about updating, but in regards to video games it's been a bit of a slow couple of months, and busy with workness etc.
Anywho, quick run down sports fans - As of late, the bit of gaming I have been doing has been on a good hit of multiplayer mostly on League of Legends, Bad Company 2 and StarCraft 2. Oddly enough I've been really getting into playing competitively, which I haven't felt the itch for in many a year. But onto what I'm gonna blargen on about now. Years ago for a school project I did a machinima movie about the different types of video gamers, now as time passes on I realize there are many options I left out, and having been thinking of these lately I'm gonna give you the run down on those on the top of my mindhole.
The "Rainbow Sixdrome" Sufferer
Probably best otherwise known as "The Sprinter" but this special name comes from a friend and I experienced when we first discovered our own disposition towards this sickness of the mind and sprint button. Seeing as only in recent years has a run or sprint button been included in games its a relatively new type of gamer, but sufferers of this disturbing syndrome. Whether it be out of impatience or a panty-soaking lust for speed, this gamer often starts with the intent of dashing from cover to cover, only to fly around a corner into a hail of bullets, pain, and anal rape.
The Walking Giblet
This is the person, who no matter what the situation is, no matter the lack of room, even if its a knife fight - This man will bring a rocket launcher, the biggest fucking one he can find. This guy LOVES his pretty exploshuns like a whore breathing for the back of her throat to be bruised by a 12 inch black knobbler. While he has his uses against tanks or anyone standing far away from you, this man will often resort to blowing his explosive load into the ground given the threat of something closer than 5 feet of distance, almost always reducing 2 or more players ("Friendly fire? So 3 of us died, at least I got 1of them!") into little more than offal for the slop bucket.
The Failed Cartographer
By far the most fun person to ever play any sort of RTS with, this nutter sees a mini map merely as an obstruction to his HUD, because how can he hope to win if he can't see all the pretty things he's playing with? This man will intently attack heavily defended positions or even wander aimlessly around maps while his base/friends/worker line/spouse get sodomized in the most brutal, prison-like of ways, simply because the little glowy map thing isn't full of pretty 3d models and particle effects.
The Spawn Point
I probably shouldn't bag on these people, since back in my day I was the highest of offenders, but the public need to be aware of these "Lead From The Rear" types. Since nowdays in most FPS's to avoid the old issue of spawning in the middle of an enemy army because of silly randomized map spawn points, you now usually spawn on a teammate. This man will slowly creep as close to the enemy position as humanly possibly, without risk of bullet nor harsh comment of his parentage and continue to sit there, directing the assault from behind as wave after wave of his comrades spawn on his location and charge valiantly into the money shot of several heavy machine guns, directing his teammates the entire time with advice borne of personal experience and the wisdom of the crouch/prone button. Remember lads, this man is better than you, so best your score suffer than his!
The "All For One And One and Only" Guy
This man is an RTS player, he adores his armies of units, all consisting of the one single type of unit, be it tier 1 or end game unit, this boys army is nothing but thousands of this one guy over and over. Usually makes his choice before the game because either the biggest one is the coolest and techs straight to it, ignoring all else, or god forbid deciding early tier units are cheap so I can get even MORE of them. This guy will build that one unit from dawn till dusk, even when the opposing army builds to counter them, his solution: BUILD MORE! Can sometimes work well in a team environment given a teammate that can work to counter his units weaknesses, since this guy builds these and only these, he's got his timing and build order to the microsecond for this shit.
Well I could go on but frankly I now need to bear-blast some people with my e-seed. So without much further bullshit, Auf wiedersehen fellow master race!
"Since when does team fight mean I fight their team alone? ...Cunts." - Zenhurak
Anhidonic, Narcissistic and Pantsless.
Monday, September 6, 2010
Monday, July 26, 2010
Pantsless thoughts and Vodka lapdances..
After a long, undesired break, Top o the mornin to ya fellow pipeliners!
Much to my dismay I unfortunately haven't been posting for the past couple of months. This has been due to a combination of factors including: being busy as fuck (seriously, working 3 jobs atm keeps my downtime limited to sleep and gaming), not having many new games to review, writers block on my funneh, not wanting to turn this into a bitch-vent blog (though i can see that going soonly lol), and having discovered how many people irl who check this regularly, making me have to censor myself to a certain degree, NAZIS I TELLS YOU!
Anywho, I hope to get back into the habit of posting now that I've taken up my old habit of staying up at night and drinking, motivating me to do much more than idle on the compy. Forget the update on things catching you up on the news since last post, save to say that people are shitteh (shall elaborate later in this post perhaps), work be shitteh, and lack of decent game drops in winter is uber shitteh (despite the rather portly sack of xbox titles i need to finish, i choose to ignore because they are xbox and henceforth come secondary to compy love)
I mentioned a lack of new releases I have found myself back on WoW, along with several friends. Seems now is the time to pick up bad addictions though truth be told a murderous crack addiction is probably healthier for the soul. That being said it is good to play with people I know, whenever the stars align for us all to be on at the same time.
Speaking back on the subject of people being rather shitteh atm, at least for little reason I know I've found myself with a rather short temper and little patience for them lately, this of course extends to my irl friends who i normally have near infinite tolerance of. I'm unsure if this is a consequence of the first part or not, but I find my friendships with wiminz atm are all really off, which is odd for me because usually i find it much easier and more comfortable socializing with my female friends than males, finding it considerably uncomfortable just talking to them much less interacting with them etc. Eh, kill them all.
Now, I have a confession to make, recently, I purchased an xbox, and while expensive and is probably used to play Worms and Marvel vs Capcom 2 more than anything else, I don't think its bad.. Mind you I will never pay for the gold subscription, I mean I have to pay for the right to pay for fucking games? WHAT THE CUNTING FUCK??? But it's not bad and while yes overpriced like all Microsoft things, It has its uses, hooked up to the main TV, networked to my PC so I can watch my stuffs through it, and I'm sure I'll find time soon to get around to playing the few titles I have sitting there, which are quite interesting imo, but not feeling it atm.
Anyways sports fans, it seems its that time where i'm tired of writing and starting to sober up..
ONWARDS UPWARDS AND INWARDS!!!
"The only way I'll ever get laid again is if one of these lesbians needs a booster shot." - Zen in response to an enquiry as to his chances of picking up one night at a club.
Zenhurak - Anhidonic, Narcissistic and Pantsless.
Much to my dismay I unfortunately haven't been posting for the past couple of months. This has been due to a combination of factors including: being busy as fuck (seriously, working 3 jobs atm keeps my downtime limited to sleep and gaming), not having many new games to review, writers block on my funneh, not wanting to turn this into a bitch-vent blog (though i can see that going soonly lol), and having discovered how many people irl who check this regularly, making me have to censor myself to a certain degree, NAZIS I TELLS YOU!
Anywho, I hope to get back into the habit of posting now that I've taken up my old habit of staying up at night and drinking, motivating me to do much more than idle on the compy. Forget the update on things catching you up on the news since last post, save to say that people are shitteh (shall elaborate later in this post perhaps), work be shitteh, and lack of decent game drops in winter is uber shitteh (despite the rather portly sack of xbox titles i need to finish, i choose to ignore because they are xbox and henceforth come secondary to compy love)
I mentioned a lack of new releases I have found myself back on WoW, along with several friends. Seems now is the time to pick up bad addictions though truth be told a murderous crack addiction is probably healthier for the soul. That being said it is good to play with people I know, whenever the stars align for us all to be on at the same time.
Speaking back on the subject of people being rather shitteh atm, at least for little reason I know I've found myself with a rather short temper and little patience for them lately, this of course extends to my irl friends who i normally have near infinite tolerance of. I'm unsure if this is a consequence of the first part or not, but I find my friendships with wiminz atm are all really off, which is odd for me because usually i find it much easier and more comfortable socializing with my female friends than males, finding it considerably uncomfortable just talking to them much less interacting with them etc. Eh, kill them all.
Now, I have a confession to make, recently, I purchased an xbox, and while expensive and is probably used to play Worms and Marvel vs Capcom 2 more than anything else, I don't think its bad.. Mind you I will never pay for the gold subscription, I mean I have to pay for the right to pay for fucking games? WHAT THE CUNTING FUCK??? But it's not bad and while yes overpriced like all Microsoft things, It has its uses, hooked up to the main TV, networked to my PC so I can watch my stuffs through it, and I'm sure I'll find time soon to get around to playing the few titles I have sitting there, which are quite interesting imo, but not feeling it atm.
Anyways sports fans, it seems its that time where i'm tired of writing and starting to sober up..
ONWARDS UPWARDS AND INWARDS!!!
"The only way I'll ever get laid again is if one of these lesbians needs a booster shot." - Zen in response to an enquiry as to his chances of picking up one night at a club.
Zenhurak - Anhidonic, Narcissistic and Pantsless.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Don't mess with me! I have a purple belt. It matches my purple shirt and my purple pants..
Guten abend fellow Pipeline citizenry!
Yes yes I know it's been like 2 weeks since my last update, but y'all can love me or leave me...LOVE ME PLEASE!!! *begs*
Anywho, not much happened the week following my hallucination post (which mind you, was freaky as before it ended) however this past week I have some stuffs to write, starting right..meow!
Okay, so this past wednesday I travelled down to sydneyville to watch a friend participate in some circus production of romeo and juliet. Now while I admire their courage in putting on a public performance etc, and there were quite a few well skilled people thar, and my seems to thoroughly enjoy it so I was all too happy to help support her. Putting on several random circus acts with a lesbian scene in the middle is NOT Romeo and Juliet, needs moar character development. Aside from that, twirling shit without fire is only so sexuall-visually stimulating. Otherwise I believe I may have offended that friend when the two of us who travelled down there to see it promptly travelled back to newcastle as soon as it was over, my friend didn't seem overly keen on staying and so I took up the asshole reigns and took responsability for bailing. (God im so good at that, the asshole thing of course :D )
Then on friday, in an unlikely turn of events, I actually saw my friends (SHOCK HORROR!) and 5 of us decided to sit down and finally give the new micro-expansion for Sins of a solar empire a run, Diplomacy.
Now after a rocky 3 hours in trying to get it up and running (mainly because idiots don't have it installed or the correct version etc) Once we got it running, it was good and smexy. Excuse my tangent for a moment while i discuss why I like micro-expansions as opposed to DLC. Think bigger DLC with a decent development time, I am NOT a fan of paying $15 ( *cough* AvP *cough*) for three maps..if you want to just add more multiplayer maps, how about including it in a free patch when you address proper gameplay issues? or add them with a proper expansion that actually adresses and adds gameplay or story mechanics to the game? Or better yet, if you want more maps, give decent mod and map making tools to the community! Until Little Big Planet, I haven't seen a game support the mod community since Battlefield 1942, which remained popular, supported and loved for years because of its community, Desert Combat being a primary example of how dev's can contribute to the community and get into the industry at the same time, God's we all loved Battlefield so much we put up with that Vietnam shitbox (mind you, "ride of the valkyries" on a scooter is pimp as). Okay, digression aside, The game is Beautiful! It adds enough to change the game immensely, allowing you to now take a diplomatic route in conquering the galaxy alongside your usual resoure hog, culture pushing or just plain militarty powerhouse! Adding the ability to set other teams missions for resources and even paying pirates to send fleets at certain planets is great! you can even have an allied victory if you decide to team up with a friend (or the most powerful computer) and bankroll their military or visa versa, The only gripe I have, which isnt really one, because we shouldnt have had large fleet size on in a 10 player game..was the computer team..bankrolling pirate fleets at my poor little homeworld.. When a fleet of 1000+ pirate ships hit all 10 of your homeworlds..you be royally buttsecksed! Our game froze, on all of our computers, it was glorious looking, but OH so laggy. But that aside, it was GREAT!
The last thing I have to post about is my current experience working my way through Splinter Cell: Conviction. Now this is all from a standpoint of never having played ANY Splinter Cell game until this one, so bear with me, Its fun if you like espionage and stealth, It could be better, but for what it is, I like it. A nice variety of gadgets, guns and whatnot for whatever job you like. you can gun and run, blow shit up or be a sneaky fugger..Personally, the favourite thing of mine is the presentation of the game, it looks so good, you can interrogate people, smashing them against/through nearby enviromentals to get info, and your objectives and hints, are displayed in a very cool kinda way, as projected like writing on nearby walls or what have you, destroying immersion a little, but I don't know, it just gives me a such a cool feeling when I see it. If you are a Fan of this series, or of any Tom Clancy game, its up to the scratch you would expect. Albeit a bit of a weak storyline.
I must bid you fair, sexy people a good eve, for there are pants that need to be doffed and minds to be molested
UP UP AND AWAY!
"Hey baby, I put the STD in stud, now all I need is U" - Stepo - and now Zen's favourite pickup line.
Zenhurak - Anhidonic, Narcissistic and Pantsless.
Yes yes I know it's been like 2 weeks since my last update, but y'all can love me or leave me...LOVE ME PLEASE!!! *begs*
Anywho, not much happened the week following my hallucination post (which mind you, was freaky as before it ended) however this past week I have some stuffs to write, starting right..meow!
Okay, so this past wednesday I travelled down to sydneyville to watch a friend participate in some circus production of romeo and juliet. Now while I admire their courage in putting on a public performance etc, and there were quite a few well skilled people thar, and my seems to thoroughly enjoy it so I was all too happy to help support her. Putting on several random circus acts with a lesbian scene in the middle is NOT Romeo and Juliet, needs moar character development. Aside from that, twirling shit without fire is only so sexuall-visually stimulating. Otherwise I believe I may have offended that friend when the two of us who travelled down there to see it promptly travelled back to newcastle as soon as it was over, my friend didn't seem overly keen on staying and so I took up the asshole reigns and took responsability for bailing. (God im so good at that, the asshole thing of course :D )
Then on friday, in an unlikely turn of events, I actually saw my friends (SHOCK HORROR!) and 5 of us decided to sit down and finally give the new micro-expansion for Sins of a solar empire a run, Diplomacy.
Now after a rocky 3 hours in trying to get it up and running (mainly because idiots don't have it installed or the correct version etc) Once we got it running, it was good and smexy. Excuse my tangent for a moment while i discuss why I like micro-expansions as opposed to DLC. Think bigger DLC with a decent development time, I am NOT a fan of paying $15 ( *cough* AvP *cough*) for three maps..if you want to just add more multiplayer maps, how about including it in a free patch when you address proper gameplay issues? or add them with a proper expansion that actually adresses and adds gameplay or story mechanics to the game? Or better yet, if you want more maps, give decent mod and map making tools to the community! Until Little Big Planet, I haven't seen a game support the mod community since Battlefield 1942, which remained popular, supported and loved for years because of its community, Desert Combat being a primary example of how dev's can contribute to the community and get into the industry at the same time, God's we all loved Battlefield so much we put up with that Vietnam shitbox (mind you, "ride of the valkyries" on a scooter is pimp as). Okay, digression aside, The game is Beautiful! It adds enough to change the game immensely, allowing you to now take a diplomatic route in conquering the galaxy alongside your usual resoure hog, culture pushing or just plain militarty powerhouse! Adding the ability to set other teams missions for resources and even paying pirates to send fleets at certain planets is great! you can even have an allied victory if you decide to team up with a friend (or the most powerful computer) and bankroll their military or visa versa, The only gripe I have, which isnt really one, because we shouldnt have had large fleet size on in a 10 player game..was the computer team..bankrolling pirate fleets at my poor little homeworld.. When a fleet of 1000+ pirate ships hit all 10 of your homeworlds..you be royally buttsecksed! Our game froze, on all of our computers, it was glorious looking, but OH so laggy. But that aside, it was GREAT!
The last thing I have to post about is my current experience working my way through Splinter Cell: Conviction. Now this is all from a standpoint of never having played ANY Splinter Cell game until this one, so bear with me, Its fun if you like espionage and stealth, It could be better, but for what it is, I like it. A nice variety of gadgets, guns and whatnot for whatever job you like. you can gun and run, blow shit up or be a sneaky fugger..Personally, the favourite thing of mine is the presentation of the game, it looks so good, you can interrogate people, smashing them against/through nearby enviromentals to get info, and your objectives and hints, are displayed in a very cool kinda way, as projected like writing on nearby walls or what have you, destroying immersion a little, but I don't know, it just gives me a such a cool feeling when I see it. If you are a Fan of this series, or of any Tom Clancy game, its up to the scratch you would expect. Albeit a bit of a weak storyline.
I must bid you fair, sexy people a good eve, for there are pants that need to be doffed and minds to be molested
UP UP AND AWAY!
"Hey baby, I put the STD in stud, now all I need is U" - Stepo - and now Zen's favourite pickup line.
Zenhurak - Anhidonic, Narcissistic and Pantsless.
Friday, May 7, 2010
Hallucinations: The Final Frontier!
Finally I return internet! I has come again, so open your mouth..
So, unfortunately I have been away for a spell, my lack of updating has been due to a combination of writers block, being busy and a generous portions of i just dont give a damn.
So it has been a vast while since my last update, so I'll try and give you all a brief covering of all that, then some game impressions.
Starting recently and moving backwards through time, because thats just how I roll. I have been on a rather prolonged sleep deprivation stint the past week, to the point where I am experiencing rather lucid hallucinations. now let me tell you, nothing wakes you the fuck up like a conversation with someone whos not there. But aside from that, I have recently been asked to help out consulting for IT and fire suppression on a big multi-million dollar contract on behalf of one of the construction mobs that the company I work for is subcontracted to, Now since im consulting as an independant, means big money and a great opportunity for myself to get out on my own.
Now working further back.. I think aside from what i've already said, and a bit of a wiminz situation (which given my vast experience, it's obviously in the bag, LOL).
Okay now onto my recent experience with some games, because that what all you peeps dig. I've been chpping away slowly at Metro 2033 and Just Cause 2. So let's begin!
Metro 2033
Alright so i've not finished this one yet, but i've given it a very large chunk, I have heard and even experienced a lot of the bugs or reasons why people don't like this game. but I largely forgive those. The AI while at times can be horrendously idiotic, not to mention throwing knives and stealth win every time. The horror and the story and even the feel, especially the light dependency of the game, I FUCKING LOVE IT! The audio really adds to the experience, the horror theme has great timing, remaining mysterious and unexplained, yet well known enough to not be one of those "omg im the speshul one who see shit" things. it immerses you in the feel of the metro, fighting through a nazi encampment slowly picking off all their light sources is oh so good and fun, walking on the surface of moscow, only hearing your gas mask breathing, as your filter gets used up your breath sounds so much more laboured, your visor cracks from damage and fogs up from your breath/body heat. the immersion factor is stunning and OMG-worthy, But I can see why people dislike it, the few bugs with it really ruin that immersion factor when they pop up. but all in all, if you are able to look past a few kinks to see what is the best book to game conversion to date, pick it up. really worth it.
Just Cause 2
Okay..Think GTA, think GTA on adrenaline fueled crack and ecstasy shot into both your eyeballs! Thats about as close as you'll get to it. Now if you want story or character development? read a book, this game has rediculous in bucketloads. but for what it lacks in storytelling it makes up for in pure unadulterated FUN! I mean, I like my sandbox games, but usually they feel a little samey wherever you go, not in just cause, theres literally a whole country to explore, military base? okay, oil rigs at sea? okay, blimps in the air? FUCK YES! Its fun, its whacky, and the missions you go on entail usually enough variety for you to enjoy the aspects of the game, first mission im on, car chase, i have to surf on the car and gun down chasing military personnel, shoot? fuck you, i grappling hook the other cars onto the road, and watch them fling around like nobodies business. Another will have you flying a jet into low orbit chasing a launcing sattellite so you can destroy it in time. this game is just pure fun, if you want mindless lolz, get this, I have been vastly impressed by this title, just playing away at it, sounds on mute while i watch movies, its great!
Anyways, that enough for now kids, time for me to go make love to my american friends who are awake at this ungodly hour!
"Normally this kind of love, this manlove would make me feel uncomfortable..But at the moment its kind of just screaming for you to take me, in a manly fashion of course" - Malevolence
Zenhurak - Anhidonic, Narcissistic and Pantsless.
So, unfortunately I have been away for a spell, my lack of updating has been due to a combination of writers block, being busy and a generous portions of i just dont give a damn.
So it has been a vast while since my last update, so I'll try and give you all a brief covering of all that, then some game impressions.
Starting recently and moving backwards through time, because thats just how I roll. I have been on a rather prolonged sleep deprivation stint the past week, to the point where I am experiencing rather lucid hallucinations. now let me tell you, nothing wakes you the fuck up like a conversation with someone whos not there. But aside from that, I have recently been asked to help out consulting for IT and fire suppression on a big multi-million dollar contract on behalf of one of the construction mobs that the company I work for is subcontracted to, Now since im consulting as an independant, means big money and a great opportunity for myself to get out on my own.
Now working further back.. I think aside from what i've already said, and a bit of a wiminz situation (which given my vast experience, it's obviously in the bag, LOL).
Okay now onto my recent experience with some games, because that what all you peeps dig. I've been chpping away slowly at Metro 2033 and Just Cause 2. So let's begin!
Metro 2033
Alright so i've not finished this one yet, but i've given it a very large chunk, I have heard and even experienced a lot of the bugs or reasons why people don't like this game. but I largely forgive those. The AI while at times can be horrendously idiotic, not to mention throwing knives and stealth win every time. The horror and the story and even the feel, especially the light dependency of the game, I FUCKING LOVE IT! The audio really adds to the experience, the horror theme has great timing, remaining mysterious and unexplained, yet well known enough to not be one of those "omg im the speshul one who see shit" things. it immerses you in the feel of the metro, fighting through a nazi encampment slowly picking off all their light sources is oh so good and fun, walking on the surface of moscow, only hearing your gas mask breathing, as your filter gets used up your breath sounds so much more laboured, your visor cracks from damage and fogs up from your breath/body heat. the immersion factor is stunning and OMG-worthy, But I can see why people dislike it, the few bugs with it really ruin that immersion factor when they pop up. but all in all, if you are able to look past a few kinks to see what is the best book to game conversion to date, pick it up. really worth it.
Just Cause 2
Okay..Think GTA, think GTA on adrenaline fueled crack and ecstasy shot into both your eyeballs! Thats about as close as you'll get to it. Now if you want story or character development? read a book, this game has rediculous in bucketloads. but for what it lacks in storytelling it makes up for in pure unadulterated FUN! I mean, I like my sandbox games, but usually they feel a little samey wherever you go, not in just cause, theres literally a whole country to explore, military base? okay, oil rigs at sea? okay, blimps in the air? FUCK YES! Its fun, its whacky, and the missions you go on entail usually enough variety for you to enjoy the aspects of the game, first mission im on, car chase, i have to surf on the car and gun down chasing military personnel, shoot? fuck you, i grappling hook the other cars onto the road, and watch them fling around like nobodies business. Another will have you flying a jet into low orbit chasing a launcing sattellite so you can destroy it in time. this game is just pure fun, if you want mindless lolz, get this, I have been vastly impressed by this title, just playing away at it, sounds on mute while i watch movies, its great!
Anyways, that enough for now kids, time for me to go make love to my american friends who are awake at this ungodly hour!
"Normally this kind of love, this manlove would make me feel uncomfortable..But at the moment its kind of just screaming for you to take me, in a manly fashion of course" - Malevolence
Zenhurak - Anhidonic, Narcissistic and Pantsless.
Friday, April 16, 2010
Holy Prince of Persia Megaman! Where the fuck are my pants?
So here we are once again, pantsless and nostalgic. My lack of gaming last week was a little of a letdown, but on the upside, this post i have two games to express my obviously unbiased (seriously..promise..) thoughts on. So without further adue, prepare to fap furiously, lube optional.
Ghettodex: Now with revolutionary Jizzbuster 3000!
First up for mention on the block is something glorious which occured last night. As I have mentioned previously on here, back in the day, when I was a nubile, impressionable youngster my friends and I used to be on the LAN scene around here, homoerotica and jovial experiences en mass. Now as came with the territory back then, so did lurking on the forums of our favourite event, GhettoLAN. A friend of mine recently found a backup of the forums from 2006 and put them back online. So I did what any man would do, spent the entire night reading the old shit we used to post. Even I was shocked at how much shit we used to post, threads such as the "Hurt and Heal" game, the "Who will post next?" game, and how introduce yourself threads degraded easily into a "who will sodomise you at the next event" contest. Needless to say my nostalgia goggles are firmly on still to this moment. but enough of my useless crap.
Command and Conquer 4 Impressions
To recap before I begin, I went into Command and Conquer 3 with high expectations, and while the gameplay was good and the story lived up to the high quality I had begun to expect. However, like the fucking new fucking Indiana jones movie, one thing took it from epic to sack sucking assclown of dissapointment: Aliens. Fucking Aliens. So its only common sense that I walked into C&C 4 expecting only the conclusion of the series to excite me. Now apart from the fact that for a series they spent over a decade building to be concluded in four hours (thats both campaigns, mind you), the briefness was severely overshadowed by how utterly shithouse the story is. I won't give away spoilers, but suffice to say it can be summed up as: lol I'm kane, lol choose faction, lol filler missions (and not fucking many), lol final battle. now even if you can excuse that fact. The scrin seem to have mysteriously fucking dissapeared. No say or anything, just fucked off from earth, leaving their tower smack middle in the middle of nowhere, so you know it's not a retcon. but god damn.. EA you have sodomised my tight virgin manflower for the last time. Dissapointment aside, I rather do like the gameplay and the addition of a rank up system tied to your online profile (which is nothing new, but the unlockables are definately a nice change). While I know this game shall find its mark in it's multiplayer, I am saddened for the future of gaming to see such an epic saga climax in such a poor manner. EA shall suffer aside Judas for this one.
Dragon Age: Awakening
Okay, after sinking some serious time over the past few days in completing Origins again, to refresh myself I finally played through awakening and, aside from the fact that after importing my character who so nobly sacrificed himself to kill the archdemon, was greeted like Jesus on easter, my ressurection being such a simple parlour trick that it completely escaped notice, surely they can't be running with the forced idea that Alistair was the one to die for Ferelden could they? Oh wait! HE'S ALIVE TOO! obviously rocking the crown as king makes you impervious to noticing paradoxes. So I was opening up into a gigantic FUCK YOU from bioware, I could deal with it if people acted if I was some mysterious lookalike to the noble warrior, Ser Also Cocks if I wasn't being constantly praised and referred to as "the hero of Ferelden" so time paradox aside. What did I find within this juicy slice from biowares expansion to what was originally one of my favourite RPG's in a long while? A slice of Meh coated in sweaty ball punching and reeking of utter crap. Obviously what made the original so fun has been tied up in the boot with a second hand ball gag in this one, my largest complaint is the companions, It is good that you experience an area quest explaining their motivations and what have you and also why they have to become/join grey wardens and all. But after gaining followers in your party their willingness to talk takes a backseat until you get them to like you enough via gift whoring to get them to say "Oh by the way, At little to no mention of this previously lets go run my errands. You know, for funsies." the conversations taken in the meantime are through interacting with object behind them in the keep (which is one small pretty stupid conversation it can barely be called character interaction as opposed to decoration critique) but dare you to right click on them without them liking you enough and they repeat the same single fucking phrase dismissing you, much like my mother and her love (but what the hell, she can do that with a rack like hers) Now the storyline I did like, but how it was implemented was rather dissapointing, its like omg darkspawn that talk? visit area get companion, visit keep get upgrades/manage land, rinse repeat several times with VAGUE mention of the main conflict or exposition, and suddenly thrust you forward into the final decisions of the expansion. while not bad, I feel they could have done so much more with the storyline, granted it was just an expansion, but for something (I shall endeavour to avoid spoilers here) that shook the foundations of the lore of Ferelden and the Grey Wardens so hard, I feel it was rather rushed and quite tiptoed around, like they didn't want to flesh out the vague idea they brainstormed. I wouldn't suggest it being worth the price tag. Maybe if they deducted the cost of my left testicle I might reconsider. Severe sad face and bioware letting us down on what is the one thing you come to expect like the sun rising every morning, good storytelling.
Alas we have reached the conclusion of another blog, my fellow internetians. As always I'll leave you with not my love, but my satirically drenched lus- I mean loathing.
Until next I sing my love song.
"And if your going to have donkeys fuck on television be sure there is a musical sound track. Because if you have donkeys fuckin and it's quiet, that's perverted. Theres a fine line. Don't cross it!" - Inactive
Zenhurak - Anhidonic, Narcissistic and Pantsless.
Ghettodex: Now with revolutionary Jizzbuster 3000!
First up for mention on the block is something glorious which occured last night. As I have mentioned previously on here, back in the day, when I was a nubile, impressionable youngster my friends and I used to be on the LAN scene around here, homoerotica and jovial experiences en mass. Now as came with the territory back then, so did lurking on the forums of our favourite event, GhettoLAN. A friend of mine recently found a backup of the forums from 2006 and put them back online. So I did what any man would do, spent the entire night reading the old shit we used to post. Even I was shocked at how much shit we used to post, threads such as the "Hurt and Heal" game, the "Who will post next?" game, and how introduce yourself threads degraded easily into a "who will sodomise you at the next event" contest. Needless to say my nostalgia goggles are firmly on still to this moment. but enough of my useless crap.
Command and Conquer 4 Impressions
To recap before I begin, I went into Command and Conquer 3 with high expectations, and while the gameplay was good and the story lived up to the high quality I had begun to expect. However, like the fucking new fucking Indiana jones movie, one thing took it from epic to sack sucking assclown of dissapointment: Aliens. Fucking Aliens. So its only common sense that I walked into C&C 4 expecting only the conclusion of the series to excite me. Now apart from the fact that for a series they spent over a decade building to be concluded in four hours (thats both campaigns, mind you), the briefness was severely overshadowed by how utterly shithouse the story is. I won't give away spoilers, but suffice to say it can be summed up as: lol I'm kane, lol choose faction, lol filler missions (and not fucking many), lol final battle. now even if you can excuse that fact. The scrin seem to have mysteriously fucking dissapeared. No say or anything, just fucked off from earth, leaving their tower smack middle in the middle of nowhere, so you know it's not a retcon. but god damn.. EA you have sodomised my tight virgin manflower for the last time. Dissapointment aside, I rather do like the gameplay and the addition of a rank up system tied to your online profile (which is nothing new, but the unlockables are definately a nice change). While I know this game shall find its mark in it's multiplayer, I am saddened for the future of gaming to see such an epic saga climax in such a poor manner. EA shall suffer aside Judas for this one.
Dragon Age: Awakening
Okay, after sinking some serious time over the past few days in completing Origins again, to refresh myself I finally played through awakening and, aside from the fact that after importing my character who so nobly sacrificed himself to kill the archdemon, was greeted like Jesus on easter, my ressurection being such a simple parlour trick that it completely escaped notice, surely they can't be running with the forced idea that Alistair was the one to die for Ferelden could they? Oh wait! HE'S ALIVE TOO! obviously rocking the crown as king makes you impervious to noticing paradoxes. So I was opening up into a gigantic FUCK YOU from bioware, I could deal with it if people acted if I was some mysterious lookalike to the noble warrior, Ser Also Cocks if I wasn't being constantly praised and referred to as "the hero of Ferelden" so time paradox aside. What did I find within this juicy slice from biowares expansion to what was originally one of my favourite RPG's in a long while? A slice of Meh coated in sweaty ball punching and reeking of utter crap. Obviously what made the original so fun has been tied up in the boot with a second hand ball gag in this one, my largest complaint is the companions, It is good that you experience an area quest explaining their motivations and what have you and also why they have to become/join grey wardens and all. But after gaining followers in your party their willingness to talk takes a backseat until you get them to like you enough via gift whoring to get them to say "Oh by the way, At little to no mention of this previously lets go run my errands. You know, for funsies." the conversations taken in the meantime are through interacting with object behind them in the keep (which is one small pretty stupid conversation it can barely be called character interaction as opposed to decoration critique) but dare you to right click on them without them liking you enough and they repeat the same single fucking phrase dismissing you, much like my mother and her love (but what the hell, she can do that with a rack like hers) Now the storyline I did like, but how it was implemented was rather dissapointing, its like omg darkspawn that talk? visit area get companion, visit keep get upgrades/manage land, rinse repeat several times with VAGUE mention of the main conflict or exposition, and suddenly thrust you forward into the final decisions of the expansion. while not bad, I feel they could have done so much more with the storyline, granted it was just an expansion, but for something (I shall endeavour to avoid spoilers here) that shook the foundations of the lore of Ferelden and the Grey Wardens so hard, I feel it was rather rushed and quite tiptoed around, like they didn't want to flesh out the vague idea they brainstormed. I wouldn't suggest it being worth the price tag. Maybe if they deducted the cost of my left testicle I might reconsider. Severe sad face and bioware letting us down on what is the one thing you come to expect like the sun rising every morning, good storytelling.
Alas we have reached the conclusion of another blog, my fellow internetians. As always I'll leave you with not my love, but my satirically drenched lus- I mean loathing.
Until next I sing my love song.
"And if your going to have donkeys fuck on television be sure there is a musical sound track. Because if you have donkeys fuckin and it's quiet, that's perverted. Theres a fine line. Don't cross it!" - Inactive
Zenhurak - Anhidonic, Narcissistic and Pantsless.
Saturday, April 10, 2010
99 Red Baloons...and I still won't float!
Here it goes again Internet, a post of such epic proportions, woven with intricate tales of love, lies, intrigue and betrayal most foul! Or I could just rant about shit. Yep sounds the go.
Prepare thyself, for the very seat of your pants may explode forth with disasterous effect upon my next words!
I'm going to kill the president.
Lolz, In all seriousness fellow Internetians, I've not much to post about today. Spent most of the week on and off socialising with people, attending trivia and birthday parties, working. But the fact of the matter is, I have been so utterly lost and out of reality. Took me an hour to realise I was in my own bed today when I awoke. Now this may not be very healthy.
On the upside though, for those who know me (which I appologise if you do) you all know of the gigantic box of change kept on my desk, Today I decided to count it and to my surprise there was $57 dollars in thar. So forth did I venture into the untamed wilds in search of vodka and lunch, lunch eluded me however. Vodka did not.
But with my lunch money I did happen to pick up some more softdrink, So I am off the shots for at least tonight and god hoping tomorrow night. While the parentals are gone for the night, leaving me alone and vulnerable in this lonely cave of a house, I suddenly remember I was going to organise a gatheration with my people, but alas I forgot. So a hearty fuck them and a merry "I don't have to share my vodka!" to me.
Before I wrap up allow me to say that I am currently attempting (to little success) to play through Dragon Age: Origins before I tackle the expansion, So I should have my impressions next post.
Allow me to sum up in saying to those two people who emailed me regarding my last post. Yes I hate people, Yes it fucking well includes you. Thanks for asking though :) glad we could clear that up.
Until next time sports fans, I have shots to do!
"It's not until you are an adult and you realise that the term ""Fabulous powers"" are included in the He-Man opening theme. That it may not have been exactly as manly a show as you remembered.." - Zenhurak
Anhidonic, Narcissistic and Pantsless.
Prepare thyself, for the very seat of your pants may explode forth with disasterous effect upon my next words!
I'm going to kill the president.
Lolz, In all seriousness fellow Internetians, I've not much to post about today. Spent most of the week on and off socialising with people, attending trivia and birthday parties, working. But the fact of the matter is, I have been so utterly lost and out of reality. Took me an hour to realise I was in my own bed today when I awoke. Now this may not be very healthy.
On the upside though, for those who know me (which I appologise if you do) you all know of the gigantic box of change kept on my desk, Today I decided to count it and to my surprise there was $57 dollars in thar. So forth did I venture into the untamed wilds in search of vodka and lunch, lunch eluded me however. Vodka did not.
But with my lunch money I did happen to pick up some more softdrink, So I am off the shots for at least tonight and god hoping tomorrow night. While the parentals are gone for the night, leaving me alone and vulnerable in this lonely cave of a house, I suddenly remember I was going to organise a gatheration with my people, but alas I forgot. So a hearty fuck them and a merry "I don't have to share my vodka!" to me.
Before I wrap up allow me to say that I am currently attempting (to little success) to play through Dragon Age: Origins before I tackle the expansion, So I should have my impressions next post.
Allow me to sum up in saying to those two people who emailed me regarding my last post. Yes I hate people, Yes it fucking well includes you. Thanks for asking though :) glad we could clear that up.
Until next time sports fans, I have shots to do!
"It's not until you are an adult and you realise that the term ""Fabulous powers"" are included in the He-Man opening theme. That it may not have been exactly as manly a show as you remembered.." - Zenhurak
Anhidonic, Narcissistic and Pantsless.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Im welding this door!
Greetings again all, I be writing drunk again. So am therefore less responsible than usual for what I say/do/sodomise.
First, recent events:
Easter Weekend In Review...Blarg!
Well the easter weekend was a pretty bad blur. Friday night went to a friends good friday party. Aside from catching up with people, which is always good I really do hate the whole pity "so are you happy?" and "so you still haven't got a girl?" crap, It could drive a man from sanity, if I weren't long gone already. so aside from that and the usual drama at parties, I hate people. (though I did get the lovely experience of a friend being so stubborn as to his state of inebriation that I ended up with vomit on my car..yey)
Saturday was a different experience however, had a friend visit from (you know "that" place..yeh) and so had a few drinks and caught up with them (despite how weird it was, I think I enjoyed it..my encounters with this person are always awkard). Continued to stay up long after everyone else was in bed, drinking and gaming, and as a consequence was far too tired to join the family on sunday for zombie jesus luncheon.
So ensued the smart thing obviously, sleep..NOT! of course I stayed up and drank myself into a stupor all day, yes. I. did.
I think nothing else eventuated that night. but yes, off recent events so much and now on to thoughts etc.
Reading This Will Give You Nightmares..or just lols..
Well I think I may be drinking too much, got into a bit of a stupor another couple of nights this week, and I can scarcely remember what day it is, I keep zoning out, and even forget what has happened when i'm stone cold sober. Now personally I think this is fucking glorious, and I love it. You see, obviously being so well adjusted and stable - I am incredibly inward and a thinker, I spend a lot of time in my head and as such its so very good when the chaotic cacophony in my head goes utterly silent. I no longer have to keep searching for a distraction, and can enjoy things in the moment. Now normally this would be a good thing because I could let loose and have fun with friends etc. But the problem is, when I drink alone, I don't feel guilty about how i've acted when i sober up, I worry far too much about who I become when i'm with my friends, so thusly, they can blow me and suffer the sober me.
I think im starting to sober up and am running out of things to say, Actually had a good night I think last night, after trivia a few of us came back to mine and played some magic (which I haven't done in a while, but could have done without the fucking relationship D&M slowing up the game) but after a couple of them left I had a good sit down with two of my mates, played some League of Legends and FFXIII over some food. It was a good return to old times and really appreciated the distraction (because i was low on vodka that night :P)
So yeah..i'm rather lost atm but enjoying the solitude both socially and mentally. I'll leave you all now on a slightly better note.
Shut up woman get on my horse!
"Rita? Only she can make my monster grow ;)" - Zenhurak
Anhidonic, Narcissistic and Pantsless.
First, recent events:
Easter Weekend In Review...Blarg!
Well the easter weekend was a pretty bad blur. Friday night went to a friends good friday party. Aside from catching up with people, which is always good I really do hate the whole pity "so are you happy?" and "so you still haven't got a girl?" crap, It could drive a man from sanity, if I weren't long gone already. so aside from that and the usual drama at parties, I hate people. (though I did get the lovely experience of a friend being so stubborn as to his state of inebriation that I ended up with vomit on my car..yey)
Saturday was a different experience however, had a friend visit from (you know "that" place..yeh) and so had a few drinks and caught up with them (despite how weird it was, I think I enjoyed it..my encounters with this person are always awkard). Continued to stay up long after everyone else was in bed, drinking and gaming, and as a consequence was far too tired to join the family on sunday for zombie jesus luncheon.
So ensued the smart thing obviously, sleep..NOT! of course I stayed up and drank myself into a stupor all day, yes. I. did.
I think nothing else eventuated that night. but yes, off recent events so much and now on to thoughts etc.
Reading This Will Give You Nightmares..or just lols..
Well I think I may be drinking too much, got into a bit of a stupor another couple of nights this week, and I can scarcely remember what day it is, I keep zoning out, and even forget what has happened when i'm stone cold sober. Now personally I think this is fucking glorious, and I love it. You see, obviously being so well adjusted and stable - I am incredibly inward and a thinker, I spend a lot of time in my head and as such its so very good when the chaotic cacophony in my head goes utterly silent. I no longer have to keep searching for a distraction, and can enjoy things in the moment. Now normally this would be a good thing because I could let loose and have fun with friends etc. But the problem is, when I drink alone, I don't feel guilty about how i've acted when i sober up, I worry far too much about who I become when i'm with my friends, so thusly, they can blow me and suffer the sober me.
I think im starting to sober up and am running out of things to say, Actually had a good night I think last night, after trivia a few of us came back to mine and played some magic (which I haven't done in a while, but could have done without the fucking relationship D&M slowing up the game) but after a couple of them left I had a good sit down with two of my mates, played some League of Legends and FFXIII over some food. It was a good return to old times and really appreciated the distraction (because i was low on vodka that night :P)
So yeah..i'm rather lost atm but enjoying the solitude both socially and mentally. I'll leave you all now on a slightly better note.
Shut up woman get on my horse!
"Rita? Only she can make my monster grow ;)" - Zenhurak
Anhidonic, Narcissistic and Pantsless.
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Imagination: If you thought my porn collection was disturbing..
Zenbo be hungover. I loves it!
Hallelujah my fellow naked person surfing people of the internet! (which we know is all of the internet)
I would appologise for the continual late posts, but that would require people to read this thing for me to care :P I digress, this should hopefully be a rather substantial update full of drama, intrigue and a severe lack of pants or shame.
Firstly the reason for my absence, I have spent the past 2-3 days doing tech support from sunrise to sunset, not one, not two, but three computers decided to die at the same time on wednesday, so I have spent all but the shortest breaks trying to restore, fix, and recover parts and data. Now let me tell you, when you have to import and check 7136 emails ONE BY ONE regardless of how drunk you were (and i was pretty fucking blitzed by this point) it makes you question the will of he who is binary.
But all is (hopefully) fixed now and the drinking and merriment of easter can begin (blast that damn rabbit).
For a change im going to get my game rant/review out of the way early because I have a lot to type and I have this on my mind currently.
Bioshock 2
Now I have been putting off and putting off playing this release for some time now, while excited about returning to rapture, turned off somewhat by mixed reports and a rather "what has been seen cannot be unseen" comparison to bomberman, I have finally played and finished it.
I was far from impressed..
Now not to say it was shit, but it certainly fell far below the bar the first game set. while the absolutely beautiful soundtrack is still there (mind you, there aren't many games where the soundtrack is notable enough for me to comment on, much less positively) where the fuck did rapture go?
I mean you had all these beautiful eye goggling scenery and backgrounds in the first, yet in this latest installment it seems you're confined to all of the corridors with no windows or all the glass which faces a high rock wall, or god forbid a pixelated shitty texture of raptures scenery ( I mean really, nothing spoiled the immersion like being in 3-4 different parts of rapture which require an underwater train to get to (( which btw you never get to see you ride on, it would have been the perfect setting for some glorious scenic shots)) and look out a window and see the same pixelated texture, FROM THE SAME ANGLE that you saw in the other side of the city.).
Now after that dissapointment, the big sister addition, fun and cool and all, but considering they are awfully predictable insofar as when they appear, and that as fast and spliced up as they are, all they do is throw incinerate, telekinesis and then run up to hit you, the combat with them leaves so much to be desired. I would really have enjoyed seeing some creative NPC use of the less popular or straight up offensive plasmids. The costumes look cool though (if their screams made my speakers cry).
I will say, I love the little sisters, and
**SPOILER** getting to play as one for a section is a big plus, especially seeing their perception of rapture, though hearing their voices from a first person perspective would have been nice, as opposed to the mysterious mute all characters the player ends behind in first person shooters nowdays. ** END SPOILER**
It is nice to see the adam organ you rip out of them should you take the dark path, as opposed to flash white light omg she's gone and I have adam..yey. Considering you play as a Big Daddy you are superbly fucking squishy unless you stack the armour gene tonics. The drill is a beautiful thing to play with, I mean so fucking lovely, I had so much fun with it, despite how simple it is, ITS A FUCKING DRILL AS BIG AS HALF A SPLICER! how can you not like?
The story is rather dissapointing, bringing you in with familiar characters and refferences, but quickly the story takes a big "fuck you" mallet to the original story and immediately brings in character after character or new people saying "relate to these people and care about their stories now!" I found it really hard to relate to any of the NPC's excepting Eleanor until the very end, considering that the entire time the one who's guiding you is being villified in every recorder you find. Not to mention the few NPC bosses you find and are given the choice to save or kill is nice, is immediately ruined by the whole thing of if you save them they say one thing to you, and are forgotten until the conclusion of the storyline. Which I will say, the ending did make me feel loveness, it's rather good to see a conclusion to a story not ruled over by some overpowered (or dissapointingly easy) boss battle but rather a gameplay event thats NOT CINEMATIC *cough* modern warfare 2 *cough* (for those who don't know, but i think the whole spam left click to throw knife and finish the game is a lame way to end an interactive video game. Epic, but not wholly challenging)
Summing up, im sure some die hard fans will love. But I was content at best, purely because I looked hard to find the small things I loved about rapture, and took solace in those. I wouldn't be surprised if you hate this money grabbing bastard with all the ire of a thousand suns. We can only hope people learn from this failed sequel to what I believe to be one of the best single player rpg/fps hybrids in a decade.
Zenhuraks Guide to Bioshock 2: Drill + Drill tonics = Win.
Now on to more substantial shite, I was having a discussion with a friend of mine who for some reason reads this rant of crap and was given advice on what to post, so heres her suggested topics and my immediate thoughts on such, Thanks Pip!
How awesome the mental ability to imagine is: Once you've batted to a horse penis or three, it's hard to going back to imagining my grandmothers naked floppy breasts.
Internet abuse: Its fucking hilarious! I lol at people constantly for taking it too far (not to mention when they start up and I press the "Nerd Rage" button and win) :P
Write a detailed story of a magical princess who gets kidnapped, kicks down the door then falls down the 10000000000 steps that lead up to her tower: Sounds like you were masturbating to Zelda, fell asleep, and woke up playing Porrasturvat.
As always I'm gracious in taking on advice on any topic, as we all can see.
This has gone on longer than I intended so I'll simply finish with this last part, one of the three computers that died this week, to my everlasting regret, was the last LAN pc. I am of course referring to the time when my friends and I from about the ages of 14-19 went to LAN parties and had LANs of our own at my house almost bi-weekly. Now the LAN community in newcastle was great, I learned more about computing at those places than in any number of the fair few courses I have done. It inspired my love of the computer and was a wholly glorious experience, walking into a hall with 30/150/500 Lanners and revelling in the beauty of all that is nerd. Now I wasn't the most socially inept person in high school, but I was far from the most apt. I found many lifelong friends and peers through the newcastle LAN community whom I still keep in touch with today and have much respect for (I know, zen..respect...WTF?). It was of course much easier knowing that the grounds for common social interactiveness was already set down, and they were for the most part all nice helpful and really funny guys! By far the best times of my life were back then. Now speaking of the computer in question which makes me reminisce, is the last pc from that era out of my circle of friends. It has been upgradded and patched and everything to keep it alive, but alas, she is gone to the great binary beyond. What stings the most is the loss of the case I believe, aged as she is. It was a beautiful and sexy black sleek goddess which I won at one of the smaller LAN's around for an event undertaken there known as the "Ghettolympics" no it wasn't gold medal drive bys and whatnot. Think hard-drive shotput and mouse hammerthrow. So it is with fond thoughts and a massive erection my friend to I commit ye to the great big cleanaway bin in the sky.
Until next time sports fans. As always, I'm a fkn pleasure :)
"When I die and my life flashes before my eyes, all i'm going to see is me withering away the hours restoring peoples funny emails..This in the grand scheme of things, Mankind has truly reached is apex." - Zenhurak
Anhidonic, Narcissistic and Pantsless.
Hallelujah my fellow naked person surfing people of the internet! (which we know is all of the internet)
I would appologise for the continual late posts, but that would require people to read this thing for me to care :P I digress, this should hopefully be a rather substantial update full of drama, intrigue and a severe lack of pants or shame.
Firstly the reason for my absence, I have spent the past 2-3 days doing tech support from sunrise to sunset, not one, not two, but three computers decided to die at the same time on wednesday, so I have spent all but the shortest breaks trying to restore, fix, and recover parts and data. Now let me tell you, when you have to import and check 7136 emails ONE BY ONE regardless of how drunk you were (and i was pretty fucking blitzed by this point) it makes you question the will of he who is binary.
But all is (hopefully) fixed now and the drinking and merriment of easter can begin (blast that damn rabbit).
For a change im going to get my game rant/review out of the way early because I have a lot to type and I have this on my mind currently.
Bioshock 2
Now I have been putting off and putting off playing this release for some time now, while excited about returning to rapture, turned off somewhat by mixed reports and a rather "what has been seen cannot be unseen" comparison to bomberman, I have finally played and finished it.
I was far from impressed..
Now not to say it was shit, but it certainly fell far below the bar the first game set. while the absolutely beautiful soundtrack is still there (mind you, there aren't many games where the soundtrack is notable enough for me to comment on, much less positively) where the fuck did rapture go?
I mean you had all these beautiful eye goggling scenery and backgrounds in the first, yet in this latest installment it seems you're confined to all of the corridors with no windows or all the glass which faces a high rock wall, or god forbid a pixelated shitty texture of raptures scenery ( I mean really, nothing spoiled the immersion like being in 3-4 different parts of rapture which require an underwater train to get to (( which btw you never get to see you ride on, it would have been the perfect setting for some glorious scenic shots)) and look out a window and see the same pixelated texture, FROM THE SAME ANGLE that you saw in the other side of the city.).
Now after that dissapointment, the big sister addition, fun and cool and all, but considering they are awfully predictable insofar as when they appear, and that as fast and spliced up as they are, all they do is throw incinerate, telekinesis and then run up to hit you, the combat with them leaves so much to be desired. I would really have enjoyed seeing some creative NPC use of the less popular or straight up offensive plasmids. The costumes look cool though (if their screams made my speakers cry).
I will say, I love the little sisters, and
**SPOILER** getting to play as one for a section is a big plus, especially seeing their perception of rapture, though hearing their voices from a first person perspective would have been nice, as opposed to the mysterious mute all characters the player ends behind in first person shooters nowdays. ** END SPOILER**
It is nice to see the adam organ you rip out of them should you take the dark path, as opposed to flash white light omg she's gone and I have adam..yey. Considering you play as a Big Daddy you are superbly fucking squishy unless you stack the armour gene tonics. The drill is a beautiful thing to play with, I mean so fucking lovely, I had so much fun with it, despite how simple it is, ITS A FUCKING DRILL AS BIG AS HALF A SPLICER! how can you not like?
The story is rather dissapointing, bringing you in with familiar characters and refferences, but quickly the story takes a big "fuck you" mallet to the original story and immediately brings in character after character or new people saying "relate to these people and care about their stories now!" I found it really hard to relate to any of the NPC's excepting Eleanor until the very end, considering that the entire time the one who's guiding you is being villified in every recorder you find. Not to mention the few NPC bosses you find and are given the choice to save or kill is nice, is immediately ruined by the whole thing of if you save them they say one thing to you, and are forgotten until the conclusion of the storyline. Which I will say, the ending did make me feel loveness, it's rather good to see a conclusion to a story not ruled over by some overpowered (or dissapointingly easy) boss battle but rather a gameplay event thats NOT CINEMATIC *cough* modern warfare 2 *cough* (for those who don't know, but i think the whole spam left click to throw knife and finish the game is a lame way to end an interactive video game. Epic, but not wholly challenging)
Summing up, im sure some die hard fans will love. But I was content at best, purely because I looked hard to find the small things I loved about rapture, and took solace in those. I wouldn't be surprised if you hate this money grabbing bastard with all the ire of a thousand suns. We can only hope people learn from this failed sequel to what I believe to be one of the best single player rpg/fps hybrids in a decade.
Zenhuraks Guide to Bioshock 2: Drill + Drill tonics = Win.
Now on to more substantial shite, I was having a discussion with a friend of mine who for some reason reads this rant of crap and was given advice on what to post, so heres her suggested topics and my immediate thoughts on such, Thanks Pip!
How awesome the mental ability to imagine is: Once you've batted to a horse penis or three, it's hard to going back to imagining my grandmothers naked floppy breasts.
Internet abuse: Its fucking hilarious! I lol at people constantly for taking it too far (not to mention when they start up and I press the "Nerd Rage" button and win) :P
Write a detailed story of a magical princess who gets kidnapped, kicks down the door then falls down the 10000000000 steps that lead up to her tower: Sounds like you were masturbating to Zelda, fell asleep, and woke up playing Porrasturvat.
As always I'm gracious in taking on advice on any topic, as we all can see.
This has gone on longer than I intended so I'll simply finish with this last part, one of the three computers that died this week, to my everlasting regret, was the last LAN pc. I am of course referring to the time when my friends and I from about the ages of 14-19 went to LAN parties and had LANs of our own at my house almost bi-weekly. Now the LAN community in newcastle was great, I learned more about computing at those places than in any number of the fair few courses I have done. It inspired my love of the computer and was a wholly glorious experience, walking into a hall with 30/150/500 Lanners and revelling in the beauty of all that is nerd. Now I wasn't the most socially inept person in high school, but I was far from the most apt. I found many lifelong friends and peers through the newcastle LAN community whom I still keep in touch with today and have much respect for (I know, zen..respect...WTF?). It was of course much easier knowing that the grounds for common social interactiveness was already set down, and they were for the most part all nice helpful and really funny guys! By far the best times of my life were back then. Now speaking of the computer in question which makes me reminisce, is the last pc from that era out of my circle of friends. It has been upgradded and patched and everything to keep it alive, but alas, she is gone to the great binary beyond. What stings the most is the loss of the case I believe, aged as she is. It was a beautiful and sexy black sleek goddess which I won at one of the smaller LAN's around for an event undertaken there known as the "Ghettolympics" no it wasn't gold medal drive bys and whatnot. Think hard-drive shotput and mouse hammerthrow. So it is with fond thoughts and a massive erection my friend to I commit ye to the great big cleanaway bin in the sky.
Until next time sports fans. As always, I'm a fkn pleasure :)
"When I die and my life flashes before my eyes, all i'm going to see is me withering away the hours restoring peoples funny emails..This in the grand scheme of things, Mankind has truly reached is apex." - Zenhurak
Anhidonic, Narcissistic and Pantsless.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Something i forgot..
I forgot to mention this, and I know from personal experience how glorious of an occassion this is, Bad Company 2 has dedicated server support, none of this peer2peer gaming shit.
(yes i know theres an edit function, but I wanted to put the new quote aswell)
"OMG I love you. Seriously, just roll me over, spit on your palm and have at" - Zenhurak
Anhidonic, Narcissistic and Pantsless.
(yes i know theres an edit function, but I wanted to put the new quote aswell)
"OMG I love you. Seriously, just roll me over, spit on your palm and have at" - Zenhurak
Anhidonic, Narcissistic and Pantsless.
How many times HAVE I pooped?
Guten Tag internets, how i've missed ye. Sorry for the extremely late update but unfortunately it has been a rather busy fortnight, despite the fact of having not worked for one of them lol :P
Anyone who has paid attention here before will be able to see blog has a new layout, banner and consequently a new name. Old one was getting on and for some reason this name popped into my head and I rather liked it, so prepare for the coming age of Binary Bullshit.
In my last post i said i would go over my experience with Metro 2033 and Bad Company 2, due to time and download constraints I have not yet been able to try Metro 2033 howver Bad Company 2 I can do without delay.
So before I start let me say I NEVER experienced the original Bad Company, so my perspectives are all on viewing this as something other than a sequel. Now the single player is abyssmally short and stacks aim assisst like a smartgun on overdrive only play the single player if you have no internet connection and are just thirsting for a face full of all american donger. Now skipping that play multiplayer, aside from a gloriously asshat of a server browser, that in the early days of release had me as an australian waiting sometimes half an hour to find a game (mind you it took 3 minutes to refresh servers when i found no viable ones) once you actually get in a game, its utterly faptastic, the only truly decent Battlefield game since 1942. The building destruction is fun and well done without being everyone going "OMG EXPLOSUVS WIN!" and the rush and squad rush/TDM modes are a good addition, the unlockables while kind of standard for your multiplayer FPS's nowdays is still fun and without the last unlock always being the best, quite viable system imo. Though most of the initial bugs have been fixed and the server browser is a lot less shitty. It's currently a fave of mine but it is nothing groundbreaking, its what you'd expect, and quite funsies!
Now onto the random thought I had the other day, what if when you died, there was an ominous all detailed statistics screen for you to view? I mean, how many hours slept, people spoken to, even times you've cursed peach out for being a fucking hoebag and the posterchild for stockholme syndrome. Personally it would make my afterlife.
Anyhows my fellow internetians I bid you all a good blog!
"Aussies and balls go hand in..you get my drift." - Zenhurak
Anhidonic, Narcissistic and Pantsless.
Anyone who has paid attention here before will be able to see blog has a new layout, banner and consequently a new name. Old one was getting on and for some reason this name popped into my head and I rather liked it, so prepare for the coming age of Binary Bullshit.
In my last post i said i would go over my experience with Metro 2033 and Bad Company 2, due to time and download constraints I have not yet been able to try Metro 2033 howver Bad Company 2 I can do without delay.
So before I start let me say I NEVER experienced the original Bad Company, so my perspectives are all on viewing this as something other than a sequel. Now the single player is abyssmally short and stacks aim assisst like a smartgun on overdrive only play the single player if you have no internet connection and are just thirsting for a face full of all american donger. Now skipping that play multiplayer, aside from a gloriously asshat of a server browser, that in the early days of release had me as an australian waiting sometimes half an hour to find a game (mind you it took 3 minutes to refresh servers when i found no viable ones) once you actually get in a game, its utterly faptastic, the only truly decent Battlefield game since 1942. The building destruction is fun and well done without being everyone going "OMG EXPLOSUVS WIN!" and the rush and squad rush/TDM modes are a good addition, the unlockables while kind of standard for your multiplayer FPS's nowdays is still fun and without the last unlock always being the best, quite viable system imo. Though most of the initial bugs have been fixed and the server browser is a lot less shitty. It's currently a fave of mine but it is nothing groundbreaking, its what you'd expect, and quite funsies!
Now onto the random thought I had the other day, what if when you died, there was an ominous all detailed statistics screen for you to view? I mean, how many hours slept, people spoken to, even times you've cursed peach out for being a fucking hoebag and the posterchild for stockholme syndrome. Personally it would make my afterlife.
Anyhows my fellow internetians I bid you all a good blog!
"Aussies and balls go hand in..you get my drift." - Zenhurak
Anhidonic, Narcissistic and Pantsless.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Green liquid inspired thoughts..This can only end well.
5..4..3..2..Chocobo..Post Incoming!
So here I am rather blitzed on a weeknight which has been becoming more and more common these days, i'm not even sure I remember why anymore. But hey, learning to work in the mornings hung over is a skill worth learning i'm sure.
Anyway I've had some random thoughts, and also decided I would finish up on the few details in my last post I said I would follow up on. I've been rather at a tresspass these past few minutes (say 10) since this surfaced in my addled brain, I really don't like distance from my friends and peers. I suppose few do but for some reason this hit me suddenly and I really did realise how far apart me and certain people who I considered part of my core being once are now. This impresses me not, questioning myself (obviously an unbiased procedure, of course I reward myself for a truthful answer with a shot ^_^) I believe its myself, I have always rather an introspective person, looking inwards of myself and not others, perhaps this is what made me worthy of being confided in before as I'm unlikely to be unbiased if I didn't have an agenda. But now I seem to have passed that barrier to where I seem inconfidable (fuck you, its a word i make them up all the time, patent pending) I used to care so strongly about others and spend so much of my time worry about them and trying to help etc being the good little boy and quite happy to not be noticed (despite the large ass that I am I have always tried to be the one who does the right thing) but now I seem utterly uninterested, have I lost interest in others because I immersed myself so wholly in them or because I'm too awkward to attempt to breach those gaps? Maybe i'm just batshit, let's go with that one.
Anyway enough about my drunken ramblings, tis time for like the ONLY reason the three of my readers come here for is oddly enough for my opinion on certain gamings on.
Firstly I'll start with the new Dawn of War expansion which can be summed up in one phrase.
"Warhammer 40k"
It's your standard fare, if you've played dawn of war II you've played this expansion, its your usual RTS flare with all you expect from the 40k universe, I'm not saying its shite, but a short expansion campaign and a new race doesn't particularly scream expansion to me, I'm not a hardcore multiplayer gamer of DoWII but if its your fare sure go for it, it's nice to see them move a bit away from the whole "LOL SPESH MAHREENZ IS GOOD!" and let you go corrupted badass, which doesn't affect the ending much, but the begginings of a moral choice system in an RTS is at least something different.
As for the R.U.S.E. Beta i've been trying, I will say this for it, its fucking good thus far. It is nice to see the game done from a more general or war room perspective than the on the field micro mass (which let's face it, most of the time it all comes down to TANK RUSH CLICK CLICK CLICK ON THEIR WEAKEAST/MOST VALUABLE UNIT! instead of using anything like flanking or misdirection), requiring you to use tactics, units other than rock paper or scissors and above all, your powers called ruses (of course) such as calling in fake bases, fake attacks, hiding all units in a sector and so on. I am largely impressed and hope the finished product brings some final polishing on an already impressive take on your usual WWII rts. I have heard some people complain about the artillery in the game, it coming down to eventually an artillery spam across the map until one person loses so much money as they just can't keep up, which I haven't had happen to me, but if thats the case I'll certainly concur. Am looking forward to this release.
In the near future i'll post some more stuff regarding my experience with bad company 2 and hopefully metro 2033.
For now I am off to the land of refilled drink glasses and the haze known as "Drunken Wii"
Is going to want to rip off his head in the morning
Zenhurak -"going ""Ba dup bup, ba dup bup ba da"" shoul not pass for lyrics in a song, no matter how hot the singer is!"
So here I am rather blitzed on a weeknight which has been becoming more and more common these days, i'm not even sure I remember why anymore. But hey, learning to work in the mornings hung over is a skill worth learning i'm sure.
Anyway I've had some random thoughts, and also decided I would finish up on the few details in my last post I said I would follow up on. I've been rather at a tresspass these past few minutes (say 10) since this surfaced in my addled brain, I really don't like distance from my friends and peers. I suppose few do but for some reason this hit me suddenly and I really did realise how far apart me and certain people who I considered part of my core being once are now. This impresses me not, questioning myself (obviously an unbiased procedure, of course I reward myself for a truthful answer with a shot ^_^) I believe its myself, I have always rather an introspective person, looking inwards of myself and not others, perhaps this is what made me worthy of being confided in before as I'm unlikely to be unbiased if I didn't have an agenda. But now I seem to have passed that barrier to where I seem inconfidable (fuck you, its a word i make them up all the time, patent pending) I used to care so strongly about others and spend so much of my time worry about them and trying to help etc being the good little boy and quite happy to not be noticed (despite the large ass that I am I have always tried to be the one who does the right thing) but now I seem utterly uninterested, have I lost interest in others because I immersed myself so wholly in them or because I'm too awkward to attempt to breach those gaps? Maybe i'm just batshit, let's go with that one.
Anyway enough about my drunken ramblings, tis time for like the ONLY reason the three of my readers come here for is oddly enough for my opinion on certain gamings on.
Firstly I'll start with the new Dawn of War expansion which can be summed up in one phrase.
"Warhammer 40k"
It's your standard fare, if you've played dawn of war II you've played this expansion, its your usual RTS flare with all you expect from the 40k universe, I'm not saying its shite, but a short expansion campaign and a new race doesn't particularly scream expansion to me, I'm not a hardcore multiplayer gamer of DoWII but if its your fare sure go for it, it's nice to see them move a bit away from the whole "LOL SPESH MAHREENZ IS GOOD!" and let you go corrupted badass, which doesn't affect the ending much, but the begginings of a moral choice system in an RTS is at least something different.
As for the R.U.S.E. Beta i've been trying, I will say this for it, its fucking good thus far. It is nice to see the game done from a more general or war room perspective than the on the field micro mass (which let's face it, most of the time it all comes down to TANK RUSH CLICK CLICK CLICK ON THEIR WEAKEAST/MOST VALUABLE UNIT! instead of using anything like flanking or misdirection), requiring you to use tactics, units other than rock paper or scissors and above all, your powers called ruses (of course) such as calling in fake bases, fake attacks, hiding all units in a sector and so on. I am largely impressed and hope the finished product brings some final polishing on an already impressive take on your usual WWII rts. I have heard some people complain about the artillery in the game, it coming down to eventually an artillery spam across the map until one person loses so much money as they just can't keep up, which I haven't had happen to me, but if thats the case I'll certainly concur. Am looking forward to this release.
In the near future i'll post some more stuff regarding my experience with bad company 2 and hopefully metro 2033.
For now I am off to the land of refilled drink glasses and the haze known as "Drunken Wii"
Is going to want to rip off his head in the morning
Zenhurak -"going ""Ba dup bup, ba dup bup ba da"" shoul not pass for lyrics in a song, no matter how hot the singer is!"
Sunday, March 14, 2010
"Make my monster grow!" should be an adequate pickup line...
Ho there Interwebs and by proxy fellow denizens!
So we come to yet another unfortunate passing known otherwise as "The Update".
Haven't accomplished terribly much this week having it off work and all, but the coming week shall have this honest boy travelling to lands far and wide for the grand opening of Australias first gaming bar; Mana Bar so muchly excited about that and being able to go a boozing with my cousin again. otherwise I have had one of my many odd thoughts lately about easter, now I understand the eggs because it represents birth or rebirth or whatnot etc. but okay, eggs, but chocolate? so we can market it etc its yum yum and whatnot (hell maybe this represents the after dinner mints @ the last supper?) but why oh WHY is there rabbits? WHY A RABBIT WITH EGGS!?!? it perplexes me as im sure it has many a person before. So therefore I am issuing the call to anyone who can clarify this for me, you shall be rewarded with pantslessness and let's face it, having to listen to more of my ranting :D.
In more groundbreaking news a friend and myself finally decided upon a day, a most holy and sacred day to which we may celebrate and bask in the truth of the universe known as pantslessness, (link coming, maybe) From this day henceforth March 20th shall be International "Where The Fuck Are My Pants?" Day. so celebrate this day all of you impressionable people who enjoy being pantsless and wish to bring the word to your fellow man, via obviously, not wearing pants but if you REALLY want to give it a kick in the nadgers, parade down the street, pants around your ankles, tell the people to throw off the chains(denim/cordaroy/etc) of oppression and free thyselves from the pasty-leg causing devil!
Enough of my stupid rants anywho, otherwise I has been Beta testing R.U.S.E. and playing a bit of the new Dawn of War II expansion, Chaos Rising. My impressions shall follow in another post, possibly with another amazing revelation but for now, I shall leave you dear children to think upon my mouth from which much crap hath been spilt.
Bastardized and unfiltered from the brain of that one kid your mother never told you to hang around
Zenhurak - "Only lego could make sex bad"
So we come to yet another unfortunate passing known otherwise as "The Update".
Haven't accomplished terribly much this week having it off work and all, but the coming week shall have this honest boy travelling to lands far and wide for the grand opening of Australias first gaming bar; Mana Bar so muchly excited about that and being able to go a boozing with my cousin again. otherwise I have had one of my many odd thoughts lately about easter, now I understand the eggs because it represents birth or rebirth or whatnot etc. but okay, eggs, but chocolate? so we can market it etc its yum yum and whatnot (hell maybe this represents the after dinner mints @ the last supper?) but why oh WHY is there rabbits? WHY A RABBIT WITH EGGS!?!? it perplexes me as im sure it has many a person before. So therefore I am issuing the call to anyone who can clarify this for me, you shall be rewarded with pantslessness and let's face it, having to listen to more of my ranting :D.
In more groundbreaking news a friend and myself finally decided upon a day, a most holy and sacred day to which we may celebrate and bask in the truth of the universe known as pantslessness, (link coming, maybe) From this day henceforth March 20th shall be International "Where The Fuck Are My Pants?" Day. so celebrate this day all of you impressionable people who enjoy being pantsless and wish to bring the word to your fellow man, via obviously, not wearing pants but if you REALLY want to give it a kick in the nadgers, parade down the street, pants around your ankles, tell the people to throw off the chains(denim/cordaroy/etc) of oppression and free thyselves from the pasty-leg causing devil!
Enough of my stupid rants anywho, otherwise I has been Beta testing R.U.S.E. and playing a bit of the new Dawn of War II expansion, Chaos Rising. My impressions shall follow in another post, possibly with another amazing revelation but for now, I shall leave you dear children to think upon my mouth from which much crap hath been spilt.
Bastardized and unfiltered from the brain of that one kid your mother never told you to hang around
Zenhurak - "Only lego could make sex bad"
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Update? YOU SHALL NOT PASS!
Greetings once again internet!
Alas sadly this blog died after my initial post as i was blogging elsewhere, but due to unforseen complications (see: incompetent asshats) I have returned to my adoring fanbase of me. :D
Hopefully i shall keep this up to date and interesting, but if not, A jolly big "blow me" to all of you.
Spent the past few days cleaning up the war zone that is my two rooms (known by me as "Nerdhala) for i believe the first time since I moved to this house the place is in fucking order! I mean..shit..also i have come to the conclusion i have too many boxes of warhammer/magic/d20/computer related crap. But if having it makes me feel sexy, then bring on the mess!
I ventured out into the forbidden wastes known as the general public the other day to take in a cinematic adventure. Under the guise of Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland.
I was rather impressed, as I always seem to be with Burtons work. Great storytelling and keeping enough refferences from the book while undertaking what seems to be the "right" mix of creative lisence. Depp seems to have an affinity for playing batshit crazy characters, so without going in depth he was impressive as expected. Now what took me particularly was Mia Wasikowska's performance, honestly I had not expected such a lovely performance from her. But god damn did she deliver. Perhaps my biggest complaints (and I am nitpicking here) are that I was rather surprised that it got away with a PG rating, and people were taking there 5 and 6 year old kids to see this film (it was surprisingly dark for the PG rating, but hey thats a good thing) The other would be that the 3d in some parts of the film seemed rather distracting and unfocussed, but the rest of the time it is solid.
If anyone here were to give a damn about my opinion (and let's face it..you all should) i would take the time to go see it.
Now onto what I have been playing lately, and that is to use the term "playing" loosely is a title that since its announcement I, and my nerdly cohorts have been rubbing ourselves raw over.
Alien versus Predator
Now as any sensible person would do when such an exciting event comes to pass, we consecrated this (hopefully) most holy of games via a launch day LAN. And much merriment was had by all, or was it?
Now i'm not saying that it wasn't going to live up to the series previous installments, but they had high expectations. The inclusion of a DX9 and DX11 client were firstly favourable (even if the DX11 client was superbly crashly on some pcs) but after a few hiccups the 8 of us got on and the menu was loaded by all.
Apart from a clunky menu interface which had me and one or two others reluctantly sink in our hearts believing this would be nothing but a token port from console, it was to my everlasting gratitude not, however the menu interface is REALLY FUCKING BLOCKY! but the advanced pc settings were all there and easily fixed not like you know..GTA: Mars where they give you the option to change display screen but keep the bastard locked *glares @ Volition*. Now I may have not mentioned this yet, but the game launched without dedicated server support but it was promised to be on its way asap. so being a LAN we fired up a local server via the "player match" option. Now on to the gameplay I was quite impressed actually, the IFF of the marines motion tracker, the 2 Predator vision modes (you are able to see preds via the thermal mode) and the variety of game modes. We had much fun playing around with these all and initially even the trophy and stealth kills were fun, until later you started to notice the massive "Press E to Win" trains and the aliens just circling a marine spamming E until they stealth kill you. The Melee system while beautiful in its idea, with the introduction of finishing moves, just turns it into another E button fest. The Blocking and heavy/light attacks were a great idea, but it all came down to heavy attack, e button, win. My Marine comrades were dissapointed at the inclusion of only 4 weapons, and the flamethrower being beyond useless (though if you manage to actually score a kill with this on an Alien, it blows up. makes it worth the 3 clips of ammo you used to kill the prick)
After a time we realised "hey, lets try ranked so we can actually unlock some of these skins and not all be the same bald white guy!" so we did, and were appalled to discover the exclusion of a server browser, and the matchmaking system is horrible, FUCKING HORRIBLE!!!! combine this that even now that the beta of the dedicated server software is out, you can only and I mean ONLY play ranked matches via P2P..this truly leaves me with a sad face, you must choose between playable servers, or dying from laggy stealth kill trains until you unlock skins. After this dissapointment (I will admit we did have a couple of decent ranked matches, by purely the chance we had people who didn't lag or leave straight away) we finally decided to try our hands at the Survival mode. Now it's not bad, but not good either. Only 2 levels, one of which is a big square with pillars..i mean..who the fuck holds up in a big fucking dark square with fucking pillars everywhere? you could have at least put a door to show how the fuck we got in there even if you kept it locked. the difficulty curve of the waves increases like a bitch, we found it quite hard to get past wave 5. So at least we liked the challenge, even if it did lack a "Fall back into the compound!" scenario. In the end people left the LAN satisfied, but only because we had enough people to enjoy it over lan, and we actually tried to use the other weapons beside the "E" button. but I can only imagine the sorrow anyone playing solely online must feel. Later that week I played through the single player campaign, the difficulty was shoddy at best, nigh impossible for Marine on hard, but nightmare for Alien and Predator was a cakewalk (see: E button) the Alien campaign was beyond dissapointingly short. Though the story arc over the three was done well and leads it open to an expansion or sequel, providing shit is done right down the line. I believe rebellion have indeed "fucked the pooch" on this one, even the inclusion of dedicated software in its BETA several weeks down the track has proved too little too late, and I for one believe this suffered more from poor developer decisions and what felt like a lack of budget than anything else, what could have so easily been so much more has my vote for "Dissapointment of the Year" award. Truly my epeen went unsatisfied.
Well after a much longer than anticipated game review (or just bitching, oh wait thats what reviewers do these days unless your under gamespys payroll!) I bid all you scrubs farewell and whatnot. May the gods of pantslessness watch over you...also cocks.
Quilled electronically by the Dungeon Master of your hearts
Zenhurak - "for the lolz"
Alas sadly this blog died after my initial post as i was blogging elsewhere, but due to unforseen complications (see: incompetent asshats) I have returned to my adoring fanbase of me. :D
Hopefully i shall keep this up to date and interesting, but if not, A jolly big "blow me" to all of you.
Spent the past few days cleaning up the war zone that is my two rooms (known by me as "Nerdhala) for i believe the first time since I moved to this house the place is in fucking order! I mean..shit..also i have come to the conclusion i have too many boxes of warhammer/magic/d20/computer related crap. But if having it makes me feel sexy, then bring on the mess!
I ventured out into the forbidden wastes known as the general public the other day to take in a cinematic adventure. Under the guise of Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland.
I was rather impressed, as I always seem to be with Burtons work. Great storytelling and keeping enough refferences from the book while undertaking what seems to be the "right" mix of creative lisence. Depp seems to have an affinity for playing batshit crazy characters, so without going in depth he was impressive as expected. Now what took me particularly was Mia Wasikowska's performance, honestly I had not expected such a lovely performance from her. But god damn did she deliver. Perhaps my biggest complaints (and I am nitpicking here) are that I was rather surprised that it got away with a PG rating, and people were taking there 5 and 6 year old kids to see this film (it was surprisingly dark for the PG rating, but hey thats a good thing) The other would be that the 3d in some parts of the film seemed rather distracting and unfocussed, but the rest of the time it is solid.
If anyone here were to give a damn about my opinion (and let's face it..you all should) i would take the time to go see it.
Now onto what I have been playing lately, and that is to use the term "playing" loosely is a title that since its announcement I, and my nerdly cohorts have been rubbing ourselves raw over.
Alien versus Predator
Now as any sensible person would do when such an exciting event comes to pass, we consecrated this (hopefully) most holy of games via a launch day LAN. And much merriment was had by all, or was it?
Now i'm not saying that it wasn't going to live up to the series previous installments, but they had high expectations. The inclusion of a DX9 and DX11 client were firstly favourable (even if the DX11 client was superbly crashly on some pcs) but after a few hiccups the 8 of us got on and the menu was loaded by all.
Apart from a clunky menu interface which had me and one or two others reluctantly sink in our hearts believing this would be nothing but a token port from console, it was to my everlasting gratitude not, however the menu interface is REALLY FUCKING BLOCKY! but the advanced pc settings were all there and easily fixed not like you know..GTA: Mars where they give you the option to change display screen but keep the bastard locked *glares @ Volition*. Now I may have not mentioned this yet, but the game launched without dedicated server support but it was promised to be on its way asap. so being a LAN we fired up a local server via the "player match" option. Now on to the gameplay I was quite impressed actually, the IFF of the marines motion tracker, the 2 Predator vision modes (you are able to see preds via the thermal mode) and the variety of game modes. We had much fun playing around with these all and initially even the trophy and stealth kills were fun, until later you started to notice the massive "Press E to Win" trains and the aliens just circling a marine spamming E until they stealth kill you. The Melee system while beautiful in its idea, with the introduction of finishing moves, just turns it into another E button fest. The Blocking and heavy/light attacks were a great idea, but it all came down to heavy attack, e button, win. My Marine comrades were dissapointed at the inclusion of only 4 weapons, and the flamethrower being beyond useless (though if you manage to actually score a kill with this on an Alien, it blows up. makes it worth the 3 clips of ammo you used to kill the prick)
After a time we realised "hey, lets try ranked so we can actually unlock some of these skins and not all be the same bald white guy!" so we did, and were appalled to discover the exclusion of a server browser, and the matchmaking system is horrible, FUCKING HORRIBLE!!!! combine this that even now that the beta of the dedicated server software is out, you can only and I mean ONLY play ranked matches via P2P..this truly leaves me with a sad face, you must choose between playable servers, or dying from laggy stealth kill trains until you unlock skins. After this dissapointment (I will admit we did have a couple of decent ranked matches, by purely the chance we had people who didn't lag or leave straight away) we finally decided to try our hands at the Survival mode. Now it's not bad, but not good either. Only 2 levels, one of which is a big square with pillars..i mean..who the fuck holds up in a big fucking dark square with fucking pillars everywhere? you could have at least put a door to show how the fuck we got in there even if you kept it locked. the difficulty curve of the waves increases like a bitch, we found it quite hard to get past wave 5. So at least we liked the challenge, even if it did lack a "Fall back into the compound!" scenario. In the end people left the LAN satisfied, but only because we had enough people to enjoy it over lan, and we actually tried to use the other weapons beside the "E" button. but I can only imagine the sorrow anyone playing solely online must feel. Later that week I played through the single player campaign, the difficulty was shoddy at best, nigh impossible for Marine on hard, but nightmare for Alien and Predator was a cakewalk (see: E button) the Alien campaign was beyond dissapointingly short. Though the story arc over the three was done well and leads it open to an expansion or sequel, providing shit is done right down the line. I believe rebellion have indeed "fucked the pooch" on this one, even the inclusion of dedicated software in its BETA several weeks down the track has proved too little too late, and I for one believe this suffered more from poor developer decisions and what felt like a lack of budget than anything else, what could have so easily been so much more has my vote for "Dissapointment of the Year" award. Truly my epeen went unsatisfied.
Well after a much longer than anticipated game review (or just bitching, oh wait thats what reviewers do these days unless your under gamespys payroll!) I bid all you scrubs farewell and whatnot. May the gods of pantslessness watch over you...also cocks.
Quilled electronically by the Dungeon Master of your hearts
Zenhurak - "for the lolz"
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