Saturday, July 30, 2011

Creepy little girls and law suits..

Greetings once again my adoring fandom of one! I managed to actually post this week so lets give me a pat on the back because we all know mummy won't :p

Got the latest review up on the Chippermonkey gaming page so I'll link that @ the end, my video editing skills are slowly.. I wouldn't say improving..getting less shit? yeah, that works.

If anyone's considering buying this, wait till its on sale, not the best addition to the franchise.

Also in regards to the new channel, as of next week we start the "this week in gaming" videos, hopefully that will go down well. Also I ordered a proper recording mic so with any luck I will stop sounding like a tremendous echo-ridden wanker.

In the news for me too, went and caught the Captain America film last night. OMFG I loved it! Twas a perhaps the best comic movie I've seen. The cannon is rather accurate, the casting is good and its not preachy, its just what it is! Not to mention the avengers trailer at the end of the film made me get a nerd on.






Anywho peeps, have a good one and I'll catch yas next week!

"Buy it, use it, break it, fix it, trash it, change it, mail -upgrade it" - Stepo in response when asked of 6 things he would do with a brick.

Zenhurak - Anhidonic, Narcissistic and Pantsless.

Monday, July 25, 2011

The Start of Something Numinous!

Greetings all! I actually stuck with a much closer approximation of my update schedule for once. lol. Not that many people (read: NOBODY) ever reads this. alas, forever alone.

Great things are in the works for me, started a project up with Elmokills and Grasshyren and possibly some others over at Chippermonkey.net doing a YouTube channel for gaming, so far I'll be doing video reviews of games and voicing our "this week in gaming" clips. So I am extremely excited about that

As for my novel, I've recently decided to change a fair few important things about the beginning so I've scrapped most of the prologue and chapter 1 in favour of getting it right before i move too far ahead. So plenty of side projects going on at the moment.


As for a review, I recently gave Red Faction: Armageddon a run and I was not impressed at all, I shall embed below for those who are interested, always appreciate the views and subscribers and be prepared for more in the coming weeks!


Alas that is all for now so I shall leave you with the usual quote.


Observe, the wild Zenhurak in nature, or in latin the Madus-Cuntus. Watch as he prepares to pounce away from his teammates, leaving them to the tender care of the incoming horde..  - One of the Chippermonkey guys while playing Killing Floor as I left my team to die in a moment of need.

Zenhurak - Anhidonic, Narcissistic and Pantsless.

Monday, July 11, 2011

It's Alive!

Greetings peeps, it's been far too long since my last update, being caught up with doing my reviews for Chippermonkey and being distracted by IRL things like work and life. But recently I've decided to take a couple of new directions with things and one of those is to do my absolute best to post here once a week and repeat my gaming reviews here as well.

Recently I've come to an impasse with my career choice. I really love what I do currently however I cannot see myself doing it forever and not hating technology as a consequence. I think I want to start working towards writing as a career either as a novelist or a games reviewer. I'm unsure if I have mentioned before but I have been writing a novel on the side for about 3 months now and am enjoying it more and more every time I think about it. So I'm going to probably do some creative writing skills courses next year @ TAFE part time.

Anywho, main reason for posting here is to give you guys my thoughts on the recently released Duke Nukem Forever.

After waiting 12 years for this gem it's needless to say that the nostalgia goggles were on tight and expectations were overriding the sensible part of my brain. A lot of people say this game should never have existed, I say otherwise. This game needs to exist as an example of LAZY FUCKING DEVELOPMENT so that future devs can learn from gearbox software's mistakes. Some people complain that Duke Nukem as a character and franchise didn't evolve with its audience and we are no longer 12 years old wanting to see pixelated boobs and silly one liners, this is true but it is far from DNF's greatest sin. When 3D Realms tanked and Gearbox picked up the IP rights, one would think they would take everything that 3D Realms had done with DNF on board, see what ideas they liked and incorporated them into their own vision of DNF. Instead you are stuck with what 3D Realms struggled to make right over 12 years with about 8 months of lazy development tagged on to simply finish the product. This game is a disgrace, there is no denying. It clearly shines through the parts that 3D Realms made and the parts that Gearbox did. Even to the point where you can see how 3D Realms over the years tried to incorporate everything into the game to make it bigger and better, aren't we over the days of throwing in silly driving sections or dream sequences that have NO plot relevance whatsoever? Apparently not. The humour is still what it was, though it hasn't aged well. Duke Sounds worse now than he ever did, and considering the amount of times I heard him bellow "Porkchop Sandwiches" in his aged and decrepit voice I began to believe they actually starved the poor voice actor for the 12 years it took to make this game.

Usually I will try and say if you like such and such this game might be for you but no. If you go out and buy this game I expect you to prepare yourself for some brutal colonic rape and I actually encourage anyone who MUST play this to pirate the game, bringing the public a franchise they want is no excuse to take credit for over a decade of other peoples work and pretend you contributed anything more than a spit and shine to if released 8 years ago would have been a noteworthy successor, but gaming has evolved in the past decade and developers need to learn that.

Til next time.

"May I suggest you try Dragon Age 2 next!" - Minnzy, in reference to the steaming pile that was Force Unleashed 2

Zenhurak - Anhidonic, Narcissistic and Pantsless.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Sexy Announcement

Greetings Ladies and Gents. Just an announcement letting you know that I am now going to be posting my game reviews (probably much more PG) over on Chippermonkey. I shall probably post a rant here every now and again.

Anywho :) signin out!



"Giant robot dinosaur that shoots lasers? greatest cumsho-I mean game ever!" - Zenhurak


Zenhurak - Anhidonic, Narcissistic and Pantsless.

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Can't teach an old nerd new tricks..

Been too long since my last update. To be honest, I've been too busy and haven't been playing enough new games to comment upon. As always the continual promise to myself to not get distracted shall be made and consequently ignored.

Why Blog in this day and age?

I was asked the other day by a fellow conspirator why I choose to use a blog instead of YouTube like many other people, certainly I would get more views/fans/adoration/buttsecks. I concur, if I did use YouTube that would likely happen, but currently I write this for myself as much as the two people who read it.

Secondly, I personally prefer blogging for the type of content I make, if I were to do game commentaries, replays, or some form of talk back, YouTube would be perfect. But as of this time I currently think it better for me to stay here, who on YouTube would want to watch me sit here and natter on for large chunks of time about shit nobody gives a wank about? I will eventually create content on YouTube or whatever new medium is the go, but while I work on ideas and sich, i'll remain here.



Extremely Late Thoughts on Dead Space I & II


Now, it has taken me until just recently to play Dead Space I, as i always have a large backlog of games i never play or finish, but with the upcoming sequel, I had to. Dead space I was faaantastic, I cannot believe I left it so long to play, but I am glad I did as all was fresh in my mind for when I hit the second. Which im going to simply leave it at the worst thing about it is having to wait for the 3rd installment. Con's for dead space is definitely that its not nearly as scary as others lead me to believe, Though I have always preferred the mindfuck scares to the jerk scares. In the first game, Spawns are very predictable it no less leads to an enjoyable romp. Best thing I can comment on for developers is THIS IS HOW YOU MAKE A NON-JERK SHOOTER! You are in an encumbering engineering space suit not designed to fling around left and right at each sound. While yes the menus suffer from the usual clunky fucktaggery of a console port, The clunky slow feeling you get from walking around in that suit and with the aiming system (because how the fuck are you supposed to aim that quickly with no training?) is FUCKING GLORIOUS. It adds to the atmosfear (get it?) and just all manner of immersion.


The sequel just makes it better.


Now sports fans, Time for me to Junior Bird-Man the hell out of here.


"Since when did tentacle rape begin to feature so prominently in western shooters?" - Zenhurak


Zenhurak - Anhidonic, Narcissistic and Pantsless.

Monday, September 6, 2010

The great guns will fire again!

Alrighty, so I've been less than stalwart about updating, but in regards to video games it's been a bit of a slow couple of months, and busy with workness etc.

Anywho, quick run down sports fans - As of late, the bit of gaming I have been doing has been on a good hit of multiplayer mostly on League of Legends, Bad Company 2 and StarCraft 2. Oddly enough I've been really getting into playing competitively, which I haven't felt the itch for in many a year. But onto what I'm gonna blargen on about now. Years ago for a school project I did a machinima movie about the different types of video gamers, now as time passes on I realize there are many options I left out, and having been thinking of these lately I'm gonna give you the run down on those on the top of my mindhole.

The "Rainbow Sixdrome" Sufferer

Probably best otherwise known as "The Sprinter" but this special name comes from a friend and I experienced when we first discovered our own disposition towards this sickness of the mind and sprint button. Seeing as only in recent years has a run or sprint button been included in games its a relatively new type of gamer, but sufferers of this disturbing syndrome. Whether it be out of impatience or a panty-soaking lust for speed, this gamer often starts with the intent of dashing from cover to cover, only to fly around a corner into a hail of bullets, pain, and anal rape.

The Walking Giblet

This is the person, who no matter what the situation is, no matter the lack of room, even if its a knife fight - This man will bring a rocket launcher, the biggest fucking one he can find. This guy LOVES his pretty exploshuns like a whore breathing for the back of her throat to be bruised by a 12 inch black knobbler. While he has his uses against tanks or anyone standing far away from you, this man will often resort to blowing his explosive load into the ground given the threat of something closer than 5 feet of distance, almost always reducing 2 or more players ("Friendly fire? So 3 of us died, at least I got 1of them!") into little more than offal for the slop bucket.

The Failed Cartographer

By far the most fun person to ever play any sort of RTS with, this nutter sees a mini map merely as an obstruction to his HUD, because how can he hope to win if he can't see all the pretty things he's playing with? This man will intently attack heavily defended positions or even wander aimlessly around maps while his base/friends/worker line/spouse get sodomized in the most brutal, prison-like of ways, simply because the little glowy map thing isn't full of pretty 3d models and particle effects.

The Spawn Point

I probably shouldn't bag on these people, since back in my day I was the highest of offenders, but the public need to be aware of these "Lead From The Rear" types. Since nowdays in most FPS's to avoid the old issue of spawning in the middle of an enemy army because of silly randomized map spawn points, you now usually spawn on a teammate. This man will slowly creep as close to the enemy position as humanly possibly, without risk of bullet nor harsh comment of his parentage and continue to sit there, directing the assault from behind as wave after wave of his comrades spawn on his location and charge valiantly into the money shot of several heavy machine guns, directing his teammates the entire time with advice borne of personal experience and the wisdom of the crouch/prone button. Remember lads, this man is better than you, so best your score suffer than his!

The "All For One And One and Only" Guy

This man is an RTS player, he adores his armies of units, all consisting of the one single type of unit, be it tier 1 or end game unit, this boys army is nothing but thousands of this one guy over and over. Usually makes his choice before the game because either the biggest one is the coolest and techs straight to it, ignoring all else, or god forbid deciding early tier units are cheap so I can get even MORE of them. This guy will build that one unit from dawn till dusk, even when the opposing army builds to counter them, his solution: BUILD MORE! Can sometimes work well in a team environment given a teammate that can work to counter his units weaknesses, since this guy builds these and only these, he's got his timing and build order to the microsecond for this shit.


Well I could go on but frankly I now need to bear-blast some people with my e-seed. So without much further bullshit, Auf wiedersehen fellow master race!

"Since when does team fight mean I fight their team alone? ...Cunts." - Zenhurak


Anhidonic, Narcissistic and Pantsless.

Monday, July 26, 2010

Pantsless thoughts and Vodka lapdances..

After a long, undesired break, Top o the mornin to ya fellow pipeliners!


Much to my dismay I unfortunately haven't been posting for the past couple of months. This has been due to a combination of factors including: being busy as fuck (seriously, working 3 jobs atm keeps my downtime limited to sleep and gaming), not having many new games to review, writers block on my funneh, not wanting to turn this into a bitch-vent blog (though i can see that going soonly lol), and having discovered how many people irl who check this regularly, making me have to censor myself to a certain degree, NAZIS I TELLS YOU!


Anywho, I hope to get back into the habit of posting now that I've taken up my old habit of staying up at night and drinking, motivating me to do much more than idle on the compy. Forget the update on things catching you up on the news since last post, save to say that people are shitteh (shall elaborate later in this post perhaps), work be shitteh, and lack of decent game drops in winter is uber shitteh (despite the rather portly sack of xbox titles i need to finish, i choose to ignore because they are xbox and henceforth come secondary to compy love)

I mentioned a lack of new releases I have found myself back on WoW, along with several friends. Seems now is the time to pick up bad addictions though truth be told a murderous crack addiction is probably healthier for the soul. That being said it is good to play with people I know, whenever the stars align for us all to be on at the same time.

Speaking back on the subject of people being rather shitteh atm, at least for little reason I know I've found myself with a rather short temper and little patience for them lately, this of course extends to my irl friends who i normally have near infinite tolerance of. I'm unsure if this is a consequence of the first part or not, but I find my friendships with wiminz atm are all really off, which is odd for me because usually i find it much easier and more comfortable socializing with my female friends than males, finding it considerably uncomfortable just talking to them much less interacting with them etc. Eh, kill them all.

Now, I have a confession to make, recently, I purchased an xbox, and while expensive and is probably used to play Worms and Marvel vs Capcom 2 more than anything else, I don't think its bad.. Mind you I will never pay for the gold subscription, I mean I have to pay for the right to pay for fucking games? WHAT THE CUNTING FUCK??? But it's not bad and while yes overpriced like all Microsoft things, It has its uses, hooked up to the main TV, networked to my PC so I can watch my stuffs through it, and I'm sure I'll find time soon to get around to playing the few titles I have sitting there, which are quite interesting imo, but not feeling it atm.


Anyways sports fans, it seems its that time where i'm tired of writing and starting to sober up..

ONWARDS UPWARDS AND INWARDS!!!


"The only way I'll ever get laid again is if one of these lesbians needs a booster shot." - Zen in response to an enquiry as to his chances of picking up one night at a club.

Zenhurak - Anhidonic, Narcissistic and Pantsless.