Imagination: If you thought my porn collection was disturbing..

Zenbo be hungover. I loves it!

Hallelujah my fellow naked person surfing people of the internet! (which we know is all of the internet) 

I would appologise for the continual late posts, but that would require people to read this thing for me to care :P I digress, this should hopefully be a rather substantial update full of drama, intrigue and a severe lack of pants or shame.

Firstly the reason for my absence, I have spent the past 2-3 days doing tech support from sunrise to sunset, not one, not two, but three computers decided to die at the same time on wednesday, so I have spent all but the shortest breaks trying to restore, fix, and recover parts and data. Now let me tell you, when you have to import and check 7136 emails ONE BY ONE regardless of how drunk you were (and i was pretty fucking blitzed by this point) it makes you question the will of he who is binary.
But all is (hopefully) fixed now and the drinking and merriment of easter can begin (blast that damn rabbit).


For a change im going to get my game rant/review out of the way early because I have a lot to type and I have this on my mind currently.

Bioshock 2

 Now I have been putting off and putting off playing this release for some time now, while excited about returning to rapture, turned off somewhat by mixed reports and a rather "what has been seen cannot be unseen" comparison to bomberman, I have finally played and finished it.

I was far from impressed..

Now not to say it was shit, but it certainly fell far below the bar the first game set. while the absolutely beautiful soundtrack is still there (mind you, there aren't many games where the soundtrack is notable enough for me to comment on, much less positively) where the fuck did rapture go?
 I mean you had all these beautiful eye goggling scenery and backgrounds in the first, yet in this latest installment it seems you're confined to all of the corridors with no windows or all the glass which faces a high rock wall, or god forbid a pixelated shitty texture of raptures scenery ( I mean really, nothing spoiled the immersion like being in 3-4 different parts of rapture which require an underwater train to get to (( which btw you never get to see you ride on, it would have been the perfect setting for some glorious scenic shots)) and look out a window and see the same pixelated texture, FROM THE SAME ANGLE that you saw in the other side of the city.).

Now after that dissapointment, the big sister addition, fun and cool and all, but considering they are awfully predictable insofar as when they appear, and that as fast and spliced up as they are, all they do is throw incinerate, telekinesis and then run up to hit you, the combat with them leaves so much to be desired. I would really have enjoyed seeing some creative NPC use of the less popular or straight up offensive plasmids. The costumes look cool though (if their screams made my speakers cry).

I will say, I love the little sisters, and
**SPOILER** getting to play as one for a section is a big plus, especially seeing their perception of rapture, though hearing their voices from a first person perspective would have been nice, as opposed to the mysterious mute all characters the player ends behind in first person shooters nowdays. ** END SPOILER**
It is nice to see the adam organ you rip out of them should you take the dark path, as opposed to flash white light omg she's gone and I have adam..yey. Considering you play as a Big Daddy you are superbly fucking squishy unless you stack the armour gene tonics. The drill is a beautiful thing to play with, I mean so fucking lovely, I had so much fun with it, despite how simple it is, ITS A FUCKING DRILL AS BIG AS HALF A SPLICER! how can you not like?

The story is rather dissapointing, bringing you in with familiar characters and refferences, but quickly the story takes a big "fuck you" mallet to the original story and immediately brings in character after character or new people saying "relate to these people and care about their stories now!" I found it really hard to relate to any of the NPC's excepting Eleanor until the very end, considering that the entire time the one who's guiding you is being villified in every recorder you find. Not to mention the few NPC bosses you find and are given the choice to save or kill is nice, is immediately ruined by the whole thing of if you save them they say one thing to you, and are forgotten until the conclusion of the storyline. Which I will say, the ending did make me feel loveness, it's rather good to see a conclusion to a story not ruled over by some overpowered (or dissapointingly easy) boss battle but rather a gameplay event thats NOT CINEMATIC *cough* modern warfare 2 *cough* (for those who don't know, but i think the whole spam left click to throw knife and finish the game is a lame way to end an interactive video game. Epic, but not wholly challenging)

Summing up, im sure some die hard fans will love. But I was content at best, purely because I looked hard to find the small things I loved about rapture, and took solace in those. I wouldn't be surprised if you hate this money grabbing bastard with all the ire of a thousand suns. We can only hope people learn from this failed sequel to what I believe to be one of the best single player rpg/fps hybrids in a decade.

Zenhuraks Guide to Bioshock 2:  Drill + Drill tonics = Win.

Now on to more substantial shite, I was having a discussion with a friend of mine who for some reason reads this rant of crap and was given advice on what to post, so heres her suggested topics and my immediate thoughts on such, Thanks Pip!

How awesome the mental ability to imagine is: Once you've batted to a horse penis or three, it's hard to going back to imagining my grandmothers naked floppy breasts.

Internet abuse: Its fucking hilarious! I lol at people constantly for taking it too far (not to mention when they start up and I press the "Nerd Rage" button and win) :P

Write a detailed story of a magical princess who gets kidnapped, kicks down the door then falls down the 10000000000 steps that lead up to her tower: Sounds like you were masturbating to Zelda, fell asleep, and woke up playing Porrasturvat.

As always I'm gracious in taking on advice on any topic, as we all can see.

This has gone on longer than I intended so I'll simply finish with this last part, one of the three computers that died this week, to my everlasting regret, was the last LAN pc. I am of course referring to the time when my friends and I from about the ages of 14-19 went to LAN parties and had LANs of our own at my house almost bi-weekly. Now the LAN community in newcastle was great, I learned more about computing at those places than in any number of the fair few courses I have done. It inspired my love of the computer and was a wholly glorious experience, walking into a hall with 30/150/500 Lanners and revelling in the beauty of all that is nerd. Now I wasn't the most socially inept person in high school, but I was far from the most apt. I found many lifelong friends and peers through the newcastle LAN community whom I still keep in touch with today and have much respect for (I know, zen..respect...WTF?). It was of course much easier knowing that the grounds for common social interactiveness was already set down, and they were for the most part all nice helpful and really funny guys! By far the best times of my life were back then. Now speaking of the computer in question which makes me reminisce, is the last pc from that era out of my circle of friends. It has been upgradded and patched and everything to keep it alive, but alas, she is gone to the great binary beyond. What stings the most is the loss of the case I believe, aged as she is. It was a beautiful and sexy black sleek goddess which I won at one of the smaller LAN's around for an event undertaken there known as the "Ghettolympics" no it wasn't gold medal drive bys and whatnot. Think hard-drive shotput and mouse hammerthrow. So it is with fond thoughts and a massive erection my friend to I commit ye to the great big cleanaway bin in the sky.


Until next time sports fans. As always, I'm a fkn pleasure :)

"When I die and my life flashes before my eyes, all i'm going to see is me withering away the hours restoring peoples funny emails..This in the grand scheme of things, Mankind has truly reached is apex." - Zenhurak
Anhidonic, Narcissistic and Pantsless.